"I don't think you're ready to hear this," she said, watching her client's hands shake around a tissue twisted into nothing. But aren't we all carrying something we're not ready to name?

There's a moment in every relationship when the past arrives uninvited. It doesn't knock. It doesn't announce itself with fanfare. It simply settles into the space between heartbeats, whispering familiar fears into present moments that deserve better.

You know the feeling. Your partner's phone buzzes, and suddenly you're seventeen again, watching someone else choose anyone but you. They go quiet for a day, and the silence tastes like every goodbye you've ever swallowed. They laugh differently-warmer, lighter-and some ancient part of you remembers when laughter left and never came back.

This is the peculiar ache of loving while haunted. Of trying to build something new while carrying the rubble of what came before.

The Architecture of Old Pain

Our hearts are archaeologists, collecting evidence of every betrayal, every abandonment, every moment we were too much or not nearly enough. These experiences don't simply fade-they calcify into protective wisdom, whispering instructions for survival: Don't trust the soft words. Don't believe in forever. Don't get comfortable in love's cathedral because someone always leaves the altar empty.

The mind, in its fierce devotion to keeping us alive, creates templates from our wounds. If love once meant criticism, we flinch at feedback. If intimacy meant invasion, we armor ourselves in distance. If devotion meant disappearance, we learn to love with one foot always pointed toward the exit.

But here's what the mind doesn't understand: the very mechanisms that once saved us can slowly strangle the love we're desperate to keep.

When Yesterday Bleeds Into Today

Watch how it happens. She texts "We need to talk" and your chest constricts with the memory of every conversation that ended in goodbye. He seems distracted, and suddenly you're translating his silence through the language of every person who made you feel invisible. They need space, and your nervous system translates this as the beginning of the end-because hasn't it always been?

These aren't logical responses. They're archaeological ones. Your body remembers what your mind tries to forget: how it felt to be left, to be lied to, to discover that promises have expiration dates written in invisible ink.

The tragedy isn't that we carry these imprints-it's that we mistake them for prophecy instead of history.

The Nervous System's Fierce Protection

Your triggers aren't character flaws. They're love letters from your nervous system, written in the desperate handwriting of survival. Every flinch, every wall, every moment you choose distance over vulnerability-these are your psyche's attempts to save you from experiencing that particular shade of devastation again.

But protection and connection exist in constant tension. The very mechanisms that keep us safe also keep us separate. We become experts at reading danger in gentle gestures, at translating kindness through the grammar of past hurts.

The Alchemy of Awareness

Healing doesn't happen in the bright light of understanding-it happens in the tender darkness of compassion. It begins not with fixing yourself, but with befriending the frightened parts of you that are just trying to keep you whole.

Name the ghost. When your chest tightens, when your mind spirals, when you feel that familiar surge of panic or rage-pause. Ask: What year is this feeling from? Whose voice am I hearing? What old wound is asking for attention?

Breathe space between trigger and response. There's a moment-sometimes milliseconds-between the trigger and your reaction. Practice living in that space. Breathe there. Let your present self speak instead of your past self's panic.

Separate then from now. Your current partner is not your ex. This conversation is not that conversation. This silence is not that silence. Practice saying: This is not the same story. This is not the same ending.

Communicate from the wound, not through it. Instead of "You're just like everyone else who leaves," try "I'm feeling scared right now because my past is telling me stories about this moment. Can you help me separate then from now?"

Creating New Neural Pathways

The brain that learned to fear can learn to trust. The heart that learned to armor can learn to soften. But this requires practice, patience, and the radical act of choosing differently even when every instinct screams for the familiar protection of walls.

Practice somatic awareness. Your body holds the memory of every hurt and every healing. Learn its language. Notice where you hold tension, how your breath changes, what physical sensations accompany emotional triggers. Movement, breathwork, and body-based practices can help release what talk therapy sometimes cannot reach.

Cultivate witnesses, not rescuers. Surround yourself with people who can hold space for your process without trying to fix you. Sometimes we need someone to sit with us in the mess, not pull us out of it.

Honor the pace of healing. Trauma time is not linear time. Some days you'll feel strong and clear. Others, you'll feel like you're drowning in yesterday's rain. Both are part of the process. Both deserve compassion.

Love as an Act of Courage

To love after being wounded is perhaps the most courageous thing we do. It requires us to believe in something we cannot guarantee, to invest in something that might break, to offer our hearts to another person's imperfect hands and trust that they will hold us with care.

But real love-soul love-isn't about finding someone who will never trigger you. It's about finding someone who will stay with you while you untangle yesterday's knots. Someone who won't take your healing personally. Someone who understands that your flinching isn't about them-it's about the story your nervous system is still trying to rewrite.

The Ripple Effect of Healing

When we heal our relationship to our own woundedness, everything changes. We stop expecting our partners to be mind readers. We stop punishing them for crimes they didn't commit. We stop living as if love is something that happens to us instead of something we actively create.

We learn to love from wholeness instead of wounds. From presence instead of past. From choice instead of compulsion.

And in that space-that sacred space between trigger and response, between wound and wisdom-we discover something revolutionary: we can write new endings. We can choose differently. We can love, and be loved, not despite our scars but including them.

The Long Return Home

Healing isn't about becoming unbreakable. It's about learning to break beautifully-to let our cracks be places where light gets in instead of walls where love gets blocked. It's about recognizing that our sensitivity isn't a burden to be managed but a gift to be honored.

Your past taught you to survive. Your present is teaching you to thrive. The difference between the two is the space you create between reaction and response, between then and now, between the story that was written on your heart and the one you're brave enough to write next.

Love is not a return to innocence. It's an arrival at wisdom. It's choosing to trust again, not because you're certain you won't be hurt, but because you're certain you can survive being whole.

The ghosts we bring to love are not intruders-they are teachers. And the greatest lesson they offer is this: you survived the wounding. You can survive the healing. You can survive being loved exactly as you are.

Key Takeaways

1. Our past relationship wounds create protective triggers that can sabotage current love. When we're hurt before, our nervous system learns to read danger in innocent moments-a delayed text becomes abandonment, silence becomes rejection.

2. The key to healing isn't eliminating triggers but creating space between the trigger and our response. We learn to ask: What year is this feeling from? and Is this the same story or a new one?

3. Real love isn't finding someone who never triggers you-it's finding someone who stays while you untangle yesterday's knots. Healing happens when we love from wholeness instead of wounds, choosing to write new endings rather than repeating old patterns.

Your past taught you to survive. Your present is teaching you to thrive!

There are moments in life when healing arrives not through medicine or therapy sessions, but through the simplest, most profound gestures. I had not been out with the horses in a long time and I got to spend five days with them again. Nothing was more important than that Monday afternoon. For me, that moment when one of the horses, Sdu, gently rested its head on my shoulder, then drew closer, pressing its warm face against my chest in what could only be described as an embrace. This is magic in its truest form!

The Unexpected Embrace

I wasn't seeking therapy that day. I was simply spending time with horses, perhaps looking for a moment of peace after what had been a difficult period for me. But as I stood quietly beside this gentle giant, something shifted. Without warning or invitation, the horse moved closer, lowering its massive head to rest on my shoulder. The weight was both physical and emotional-a grounding presence that seemed to anchor me to the present moment.

Then came the embrace. The horse pressed its head against my chest, and I felt something I hadn't experienced in months: complete acceptance, validation. There was no judgment in that gesture, no expectation, no need for words or explanations. Just pure, unconditional presence.

The Magic of Wordless Communication

What struck me most was how this healing happened without language. The horse didn't need to know my story, my struggles, or my pain. It simply offered what it had: warmth, presence, and an intuitive understanding that transcended human comprehension. In that moment, I understood why horses have been humanity's partners for thousands of years-they possess an ancient wisdom about connection and healing that we've perhaps forgotten.

The horse's breath was steady and calm against my chest, and I found my own breathing naturally synchronizing with its rhythm. My racing thoughts slowed, my tense muscles began to release, and for the first time in weeks, I felt truly at peace. This was a oerfect moment, my perfect day....

Understanding Equine Therapy

This personal experience gave me profound insight into why equine-assisted therapy is such a powerful healing modality. Horses are prey animals, which means they've evolved to be incredibly sensitive to energy, emotions, and authenticity. They can detect our emotional state before we're even fully aware of it ourselves.

In equine therapy, horses serve as both mirrors and healers. They reflect our inner state without judgment while offering their calm, grounding presence. Unlike human therapists who work primarily through conversation and cognitive processes, horses work through being-through presence, touch, and energetic connection.

The Science Behind the Magic

Research has shown that interaction with horses can lower cortisol levels, reduce blood pressure, and release oxytocin-the "bonding hormone" that promotes feelings of trust and connection. But beyond the biochemical responses, there's something deeper at work. Horses live entirely in the present moment, and their presence invites us to do the same.

When that horse rested its head on my shoulder, it wasn't dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It was simply being present with me, and in that presence, I found my own ability to just be.

The Healing Process

Equine therapy works because horses are honest. They don't pretend to feel something they don't, and they don't respond to false emotions or forced interactions. They will show you how to communicate with them and if they do not like it, they will walk away. If you're anxious, they'll sense it. If you're angry, they'll know. But if you're genuine and present, they'll meet you there with their own authentic presence. There is nothing more honest and beautiful.

This honesty creates a safe space for healing. With horses, you can't hide behind masks or pretenses. You must be real, and in that authenticity, healing becomes possible.

Lessons from My Four-Legged Healer

That day, my equine friend reminded me of several profound lessons:

Healing doesn't always require words. Sometimes, the most powerful therapy comes through presence, touch, and shared silence.

Acceptance is medicine. The horse's unconditional acceptance of me in that moment was more healing than any advice or analysis could have been.

Connection transcends species. The bonds we form with animals can be just as meaningful and therapeutic as those we form with humans.

Present-moment awareness is healing. By drawing me into the present moment, the horse helped quiet the anxious chatter of my mind.

The Ripple Effect

The healing I experienced that day didn't end when I left the stable. It created ripples that extended into my daily life. I found myself more grounded again, more present, and more open to connection with others. The horse had reminded me of something essential: that healing often happens not through fixing or changing, but through being seen, accepted, and loved exactly as we are.

Finding Your Own Healing

If you're struggling with emotional pain, trauma, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself and others, consider the possibility that healing might come in unexpected forms. It might come through the gentle nuzzle of a horse, the warmth of an embrace, or the simple act of being present with another living being.

Equine therapy programs exist worldwide, offering structured opportunities to experience the healing power of horses. But even informal time spent with horses can be transformative. These magnificent animals have a gift for meeting us exactly where we are and offering us exactly what we need.

A Final Thought

As I reflect on that healing moment, I'm reminded that sometimes the most profound medicine comes not from what we do, but from what we allow ourselves to receive. Sdu offered me a gift that day—the gift of presence, acceptance, and unconditional love. In accepting that gift, I discovered that healing doesn't always require fixing. Sometimes, it simply requires being held.

The next time you find yourself in need of healing, remember that it might come from the most unexpected source. It might come from a horse who rests its head on your shoulder and reminds you that you are worthy of love, exactly as you are.

Key Takeaways

1. Healing Through Presence, Not Words 

The most profound healing often occurs through simple presence and authentic connection rather than traditional therapy or conversation. My transformative experience came through a horse's gentle embrace - a wordless communication that provided complete acceptance and validation without judgment or expectation.

2. Horses as Natural Healers and Mirrors 

Horses possess an intuitive ability to sense and respond to human emotions due to their evolution as prey animals. They serve as both mirrors, reflecting our inner emotional state, and healers, offering their calm, grounding presence. Their honesty and authenticity create safe spaces where people must be genuine, making healing possible through real connection.

3. The Power of Present-Moment Awareness 

Horses live entirely in the present moment and invite humans to do the same. This presence has measurable benefits - lowering cortisol, reducing blood pressure, and releasing oxytocin. I found my racing thoughts slowed and tense muscles relaxed simply by synchronizing with the horse's calm breathing rhythm.

4. Acceptance as Medicine 

The unconditional acceptance offered by the horse proved more healing than traditional therapeutic approaches. This experience demonstrates that sometimes healing doesn't require fixing or changing ourselves, but rather being seen, accepted, and loved exactly as we are. The healing created lasting ripple effects, making the author more grounded and open to connection in daily life.

Some stories find us when we need them most — reminding us how love can mend what life has broken.

I’m honoured to share The Way We Remember Fire — my new novel about soul recognition, healing, and the fierce beauty of intimacy that transforms us.

This book is for anyone who has ever believed in second chances, in the fire we carry for each other, and in the quiet power of remembering who we really are when we love bravely.

If this story resonates with you, I’d be deeply grateful if you’d read, share, and help me spread its warmth.

Available now on Amazon & Kindle.
📖✨ #TheWayWeRememberFire #NewRelease #HealingThroughStory

Releasing pain is like setting down a burden you've carried for too long. With each step forward, you rediscover your strength, unshackled, lighter, ready to embrace what’s ahead.

Pain comes in many forms and links back to the wounds that we carry. It can be emotional or physical, and often feels like something we must endure, as though carrying it is a form of strength. But true strength lies in letting go of it. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending it never happened—it means acknowledging it, learning from it, and choosing not to let it define your present or future.

Imagine pain as a heavy rock you've been carrying. At first, it feels necessary, familiar, even protective. We have been taught to carry this burden all too well. But over time, it weighs you down, making each step harder. Choosing to set it down is not a denial of its existence but a recognition that you don’t have to bear its full weight forever.

This process of release can be gradual. Sometimes, it starts with a quiet decision—to stop revisiting old wounds, to challenge the belief that suffering is required for growth, to replace sorrow with understanding. Healing is not linear, but each moment of release brings clarity and renewal. There may be times that you revisit this but you don't linger in it having learnt to be resilient.

Letting go of pain is a deeply transformative process that brings emotional relief and renewal. Here is how it helps:

Emotional Lightness – Carrying emotional pain can feel like dragging a weight through life, a rock on your shoulders. Releasing it brings a sense of freedom, making room for peace and contentment.

Clarity and Perspective – When pain lingers, it can cloud judgment and distort reality. Letting go allows you to see situations more objectively, leading to wiser decisions and healthier, deeper relationships.

Self-Compassion and Growth – Forgiveness—whether of yourself or others-fosters kindness and self-acceptance. Forgiveness is not about the other person, it is so they no longer have control over you, you are taking your power back. It helps you recognize your own resilience and move forward with confidence.

Restoration of Joy – Pain can dull life’s vibrant moments. When you loosen your grip on the hurt, joy has space to re-enter in different ways-through laughter, creativity, and meaningful connections.

Inner Strength – The ability to let go is a testament to personal strength. It signifies courage, bravery and-the choice to move beyond suffering and embrace healing. This choice is yours-own it and take your power back!

It’s not about forgetting or invalidating what happened to you. It’s about reclaiming your own well-being and deciding that pain will not define you and your future.

Describing suicide as “selfish” is a common but deeply problematic and oversimplified perspective. From a psychological point of view, suicide is rarely an act of selfishness—instead, it is more often the result of intense psychological pain, distorted cognitive processing, and a perceived absence of alternatives. As hard as this view is, from a Psychological perspective we need to view this with a compassionate understanding.

Here are a few key points to understand this better:

Cognitive Distortions and Psychological Risk Factors

People experiencing suicidal ideation often suffer from cognitive distortions, such as:

Black-and-white thinking (“Nothing will ever get better.”)

A sense of hopelessness (“There is no point in continuing.”)

Perceived burdensomeness (“Everyone would be better off without me.”)

These distortions, twhich have been found in psychological autopsy studies, are symptomatic of conditions like major depressive disorder, PTSD, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder—they cloud perception and decision-making. Also, a history of self-harm increases sucide risk

Psychache (Psychological Pain) and Suicide as Escape

Suicide is often an attempt to escape unbearable psychological pain, a concept coined by psychologist Edwin Shneidman. The individual isn’t trying to hurt others; they are trying to stop their own suffering, which feels inescapable. Studies show that chronic emotional distress and feelings of entrapment are major contributors to suicidal behavior.

Impaired Functioning and Decision-making

Mental illness often leads to impaired emotional regulation, problem-solving abilities, and impulse control. These impairments make it extremely difficult for someone to consider other options or reach out for help. Research findings from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) suggests that individuals at risk for suicide often experience neurological changes affecting both decision-making and emotional processing.

Isolation and Social Disconnection

People at risk for suicide frequently feel isolated, disconnected, and misunderstood. Their social support may be minimal or feel inaccessible, reinforcing the sense that they have no place in the world.

Myth of Selfishness and Stigma

Labeling suicide as “selfish” is harmful as it:

Invalidates the real suffering the person is experiencing.

Contributes to stigma, which discourages help-seeking.

Shifts blame rather than fostering empathy and support.

From a therapeutic perspective, it’s more compassionate and effective to view suicidal behavior as a maladaptive coping mechanism—not a moral failing.

In Summary:

Rather than selfishness, suicide is usually an act driven by desperation, mental illness, and a collapse of coping resources. Psychological interventions aim to address the underlying distress and help individuals reconnect with meaning, support, and hope. Compassionate Aproach needs to be applied.

Just wrapped a fantastic conversation with Eitan Engelberg. We dive deep into mental health and the stigma around therapy.

The conversation took some fascinating turns, especially when we explored: "How finding the right therapist is like dating, ensuring the perfect fit for personal growth."

Can't wait for you to hear the full episode, coming soon!

Growing up in today's world is tough. Teenagers are dealing with a lot, from managing their mental health to keeping up with school, navigating social media, and figuring out who they are. It’s a time of big changes and intense pressures, and it's easy for their struggles to be overlooked

I am doing a research project about understanding what teenagers are really going through. By looking closely at the challenges they face, like anxiety, feeling pressured by friends, and the impact of technology, the goal is to offer real support

Why This Matters

The teenage years are a crucial time, shaping the adults they'll become.But with constant comparisons on social media, worries about the environment, and struggles with identity, today's teens face more stress than ever before.This research wants to find out where teens need the most help and come up with ways to help them cope and build resilience.

How to Get Involved

Teenagers have the chance to share their experiences and get a better understanding of their own challenges. By participating in a research assessment, you receive a personalised report that highlights their responses and offers valuable insights

Click on the link below to access your free assessment.

The assessment and personalised report is 100% free for the first 100 participants. There's also an option to discuss the results in a one-hour online personal session. (Which will be $197 USD including a Youth Emotional Intelligence Assessment). https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd1YbOkUsCI8FfMxun18fPBZNPZ7Q03aTrKhN-91CaMNmYDLg/viewform?usp=header

In Conclusion

It's vital to listen to what teenagers have to say and truly understand what they're experiencing. This research aims to shine a light on these challenges and find solutions that empower young people to face the world with confidence and support This is an opportunity to be part of something meaningful and contribute to a more supportive future for the next generation.

Key Takeaways:

1. Teens face unprecedented pressures.
From mental health challenges to social media stress, teens today are navigating complex, high-pressure environments.

2. This research gives teens a voice.
The project explores real struggles like anxiety, identity issues, peer pressure, and digital overwhelm—directly from the teens themselves.

3. Insight leads to action.
Personalized assessments help teens understand their emotional needs and offer practical strategies for resilience.

4. Early support shapes stronger futures.
Understanding and supporting teens now is key to helping them grow into healthy, confident adults.

#yesicanresillience #teenagers #mentalwellness #selfharming

#suicideawarewness